A Child's Darkness

When a child feels like no one cares or understands them this can bring on a dark place in their lives. They create a world of an imaginary life style and even though they face reality of what ever they are going through, that child can't wait until it's dark because in the darkness is where their strength is.
I was that child and when I tell you I had an imagination there was no better writer than I. I use to make up my dreams before I went to sleep (meditating as a child and didn't know it) , so that when I would fall asleep I would enjoy myself to the fullest. I didn't just have fun, I tapped into every emotion and dealt with those issues. Issues I was having in real life but imagining some adult helping through it. Imaginary parents, ones that were aware of my existence. How awesome was that....hahaha.
I remember telling my cousin what I was going to dream about and she would say you have a good imagination and I would just smile.
Now I'm an adult and I no longer make up dreams. I have never been the person to blame someone else of my short comings, because to me after a certain level of knowledge of how people are, it is proven that no human being can make you are break you. You have to recognize the strength inside and move forward.
You see my imagination was my therapy. As a child did I know this, absolutely not, but one day, I allowed Jesus into my heart and he showed me where he was in the picture. Jesus was all in it and it wasn't until later he told me I was your Mother and Father. With this new found revelation, I never blamed anyone for my miss fortune, not even myself.
I may feel down at points, but I quickly remind myself what Jesus told me years ago. So to you adults that are holding to the past or on the blame game, find a place where you are the happiest and strive forward. Talk out you issues with someone. Sometimes we find that we don't need an answer from someone we just need an ear. So if you are not comfortable talking to a family member or friend, go catch the bus to work one day and talk to that stranger. I promise you will feel better and the devil loses.
A child's darkness is her/his strength.

Some Kind of Weekend

I had a great weekend, It started with me supporting the walk for pancreas cancer with my Company. Little did I know that there were a number of events that followed. I met Toya (from Tina and Toya), I got an autographed book from Tanya Wright (Butterfly Rising), and met and got an autographed CD from Yolanda Adams. These events alone were awesome beyond measure, but this does not end the weekend.

To top off everything that happened to me this weekend, I met two wonderful young ladies that touched my life to no end. They were forth coming in sharing their testimonies and this was so refreshing. We also meet a young lady who just received Christ in her life and this always a rejoicing moment.

With this it just proves that nothing happen by chance. I was at the right place at the right time at that moment.

Lord I remember you talking to me about repositioning myself and helping me with my addiction. I think this is my avenue and opportunity to walk up right before you.

Lord, you know my struggles and to find that other people exist who cares about the next person and their struggles is refreshing. I'm ready Lord, because you would not have put these young ladies in my path if it was not time for me to share my journey.

Thank you Father, I know it will not be easy, but it will be worth it for me and someone else.

Pondering Thoughts

What does being Gay or a Lesbian means? This is a question that I find myself asking on a regular basis. When I observe a gay or lesbian person, all I see is a kind hearted person not looking to judge or be judged they are just enjoying life.

People tend to look down on this life style because of what they have been taught instead of what they know. When the bible talked about the act of sin, it spoke of sexual sins and it does not specifically talk about same sex relationships (no one can prove this in scripture yet). So why is this subject so taboo? Just like the world rejects Jesus for lack of understanding or the truth, people don't want to believe that God created everybody in his image and gave us choices to make in life. The bible says man should not be alone so he made Woman (from m womb)so that they can be fruitful and multiply. Well Eve had two boys Cain and Able and if Adam and Eve was the only two human beings at that time then how did the offspring come. Were they also made from dirt or were they born through the womb of a woman?

It doesn't makes sense to the natural eye of how so many offspring are found to be born. The womb or directly from dirt?

The question always come up of who am I and where did I come from? According to the bible, my ancestry comes from dirt. Dirt was first then Adam was formed from the dust of the ground.

Hm! things to ponder.

CAN'T SLEEP

I woke up in the middle of the night and I can't sleep so I decided to write this blog. Am I the only one that does this? I find writing very therapeutic it relaxes me and make me feel better later. Is this weird or what? I want to publish a book about my fictitious life; however, the only problem is that it is somewhat a reality of me. Writers are forever make up stuff that is funny or serious and whatever emotion in-between and when I write I pull from some life experience so I've come up with the assumption that no matter if something is label fictions, it some how represent some aspect of reality of the writer.

People sometimes question how can a male be so in tuned to how women feel and hits it right on the head. Well, if you look at his life, in most cases he has been emotionally tainted with and because women are made up of emotions, he can tap into that area. This is a great gift.

I find that the one place I can express myself freely is through my writing. One Author expressed that when you write, you have to become one with the words, feel every emotion and just get lost in that world.

Well, I do have a wild imagination and I can take myself(mind) to a different place in life that feels so real that I could almost just stay there. I have the best job, family, and love life. I really take life by the horns with no regard of the consequences. Now how awesome is that.

I use to think in real life that if you take chances, there were negative consequences and because of this I handicapped myself to always to the right thing. If I knew then what I know now, I would have been in a better place (I think). Isn't it amazing how we think that knowing something now would have altered our existence if we knew this piece of information early on. LOL. Well guess what, as long as we are getting older, we will always know something now that when did not know then. I said that to say, stop beating yourself up over things that you did not know then and focus on what you can do with the knowledge you have obtained now for right now.

OK this blog was just something random. I don't even want to proof read to see if it makes sense or have grammatical or punctuations errors. lol.

STOP THE JUDGEMENT DAY

I'm about to reveal some things that will continue to be healing to my soul. So reader get ready. Ready if you can't take honesty, please do not continue to read this.

What is love, as I sit here thinking about those words, I realize that I was able to give love 100% at one point in my life. The reality of feeling needed not needy. The reality of two people being committed to each other no matter the ups and downs of things. Things worth fighting for. Planning everything together and the outside world could not break this bond. Awesome it was, I thought God had finally giving me all that I could ask for in life. A full proof friendship that I was no longer afraid to put my walls down. I was able to recognize my strengths and understood my weaknesses.I can remember looking to the sky feeling so complete and wholesome and nothing could stop that as long as I we were willing to work toward a common goal.

If you were thinking of a man and woman, you would say that is wonderful and I wish I had that; however, if you thought it was about two women or two men then you would label it two lesbians or two gay guys.

The real reality should be that two people should be able to express themselves without judgement. There is no physical gestures here and nor is there a desire to be physical. Genuine Love for one another is all it is.

You see, God intended for us to love each other without any motives; however, because the world has labeled this kind of love, we tend to hold back what is really so. We start in our minds not caring about people unconditionally and then it come to our reality.

Our biggest command is to Love. Where did that go. Do we live by God's commandments? or Have we forgotten about how important we are to one another?

This is not condoning any life style because I am very clear on what God says about certain life styles; however, this is a command to get back to the simple things of life and stop the judgement and get back to loving one another.

PEACE

I DON'T KNOW

Sometimes I sit and I'm not sure what I want to write about. Sometimes it comes easy and other times I really have to think about it. As I stated before, writting is theraputic and I enjoy every minute that I can sit here and flow. I started writing about the things that keeps me ticking and as I sit here fighting off the bugs writing gives me a feeling of water being poured of my face so relaxing and serene. To my understanding water is symbolic of the Holy Spirit and to that I say 'Awesome' because I've always felt this and now I know what it is. Thank you Jesus.

I like to give props to my Lord and Savior for bringing me to a place of peace with myself, because at one point in my life, I knew I was loosing it and right when I was about to break, he lifted me. Knowing that he would take a little time to be healed he remained patient with me. I thought he wasn't here with me and didn't care to be, but as I go through this journey in my quiet place, it's revealed to me that he never left. You were just watching me. Wow! is all I can say. I thank God that he didn't leave me to the wolves and if I would have stayed in Dallas, that's where I would have ended up. The willingness to stay in my car and my friends not caring what happens next because they thought my situation was a joke and I was trying to get over. I felt desparate and didn't have anywhere to turn. Home is always a safe haven but it could also be my trap. God quickly stood me up and had me contact a dear friend who helped me sort through some things and home bound I was.

Now I'm home! what's been going on for me here. I work for Edward Jones as a Educational Specialist for business retirement plans. I'm currently studying for my Securities Licensing. My social life hasn't kicked off (Yet)but I trust that will be next. Career is first. I'm emotionally healthy and that is the most important part of my Journey. I haven't found a church home and to be honest, I haven't had the desire or the energy to go to church. It doesn't make sense to me right now.

God knows about my situation and when the revelation comes, he will let me know.

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News / Family & Parenting / Men
9 Lies Men Tell Themselves About Women
By Julie Ferwerda

Published: May 28, 2010

So you’re wondering … what does a woman know about what guys think? I just so happen to have some great male perspective for this article, namely from my insightful husband, Steve. But also, I used to be the woman in some of these points, so I also know how women play on men’s weaknesses.

Christian men and women in the dating world are met with so much wrong thinking in their relationships. It’s my hope to help you identify certain destructive lies in your thinking before it is too late.

LIE #1: She’s flirting with me because she thinks I’m great.
Truth: While it seems innocent and fun, flirting is not a behavior that women who are trying to attract the right kind of man indulge in. Most women who flirt are looking for attention, not just from one certain great guy, but from any who will give them the attention they crave. Why? Likely she either has a poor self-image and she’s searching for ego strokes, or she is desperately looking for approval that she didn’t receive from her father. The trouble is, flirtatious women often have a hard time leaving that trait behind when they get married, and they inappropriately (and dangerously) continue to search for the approval of men long after “I do.” Also, women who need this type of attention can tend to be high maintenance in relationships, always craving more attention.

LIE #2: She doesn’t realize what her revealing clothes are doing to me.
Truth: More likely than not, when she bought those clothes she was thinking about how you (and every other man) would drop his jaw when she walked by. While many women don’t realize the extent of men’s visual stimulation (since it’s quite different than women), most know exactly what they are doing to you. It’s called putting you under a spell to get what they want from you. Proverbs calls this a “seductress” with clear warning: “a seductress is a narrow well. She also lies in wait as for a victim, and increases the unfaithful among men.” Proverbs 23:27-28

LIE #3: Her lack of faith won’t pull me down.
Truth: Solomon, the wisest man and king who ever lived, fell for this lie. Believing he was smarter than God gave him credit for, he stubbornly ignored God’s warning not to marry the pagan women of other nations because they would turn his heart after their false gods. Sure enough, that’s exactly what happened—and it cost him greatly. In the end, he walked away from his faith. So if the wisest man who ever lived, the one who had been visited by God himself on two different occasions and who even built God’s temple, wasn’t strong enough to stay devoted to God while going after unbelieving women, how could you be any different?

LIE #4: She’s clingy, but I like to be needed. She’ll settle down once we’re married.
Truth: According to studies, men thrive on being needed, but this can backfire because many women out there are desperate to get married for the wrong reasons. A woman with “emotional gaps” will put expectations on you that you’ll never live up to, no matter how much time, love, or words of encouragement you give her, because she has mistaken you as the answer to her longings. After the wedding, you’ll disappoint her because you can’t do or be enough, and she may turn to other things for comfort—food, other men, alcohol, or shopping, to name a few. Depending on you occasionally for emotional support, or to help with certain things (like changing her oil or mowing her lawn) are great, but when it comes to emotional neediness, it’s a red flag and it’s not going to get better until she gets help.

LIE #5: If she knew who I really am, she wouldn’t want me.
Truth: This fear motivates men to tell women what they want to hear instead of being open and honest about who they really are. When this happens, the relationship is built on a lie, increasing the chance of relationship failure later on. It also increases a man’s anxiety over exposure and rejection, creating a cycle of deceit. The woman you’re dating deserves to know exactly who you are and what kind of person she’s agreeing to love. It’s not fair to give her false hope. As an example, going to church with her before you are married or pretending to be a spiritual leader, with no intention of continuing later, is not an honest representation of yourself. If she is a good match for you and she’s operating under grace, she’ll love and accept you, warts and all.

LIE #6: She wouldn’t just date me for financial reasons.
Truth: Think again. A woman’s greatest need is for security, according to studies. That doesn’t mean that all women are gold diggers, but you have to search out motives. There’s many a financially distraught woman thinking that getting married to someone financially stable will solve all of her problems, whether or not the man is right for her. Watch for a few factors. Does she manage her own money well? Is she stable financially on her own? Does she display expensive tastes out of her budget? Does she focus on her lack of finances or on your comfortable lifestyle? If you are concerned, be sure to approach this matter privately with a qualified pre-marriage counselor (her pastor?) for some objective help in discerning her motives. This may sound harsh, but you don’t want to risk marrying a woman who only loves your money.

LIE #7: When I marry her, my lust problem will be solved.
Truth: This is a frequent misconception for men who are waiting to have sex until marriage. They think, “When I’m able to have sex with my wife, I won’t be tempted by pornography or dwell on lustful thoughts anymore because I’ll have an outlet for my sexual energy.” I think honest men will tell you that marriage did not solve their lust problem. In some cases, it aggravated it. This is due primarily to the fact that lust isn’t a sex problem. It’s a heart problem. And just like a fire, when you begin to feed it, it gets hotter and hungrier, not satisfied. When a man gets married, he may be even more focused on sex and can still feed his lustful thoughts with images and fantasies. The only answer is to starve the fire of lust to make it eventually die down. Flee, as the Bible says, from sexual temptation.

Many men also go into marriage expecting their wife to be a sex goddess—ready for a romp 24/7. Relationship problems, low sex-drive, busy schedules, interruptions from kids, and physical problems can all contribute to marital sex not being as plentiful as you hoped.

LIE #8: She nags, but what woman doesn’t.
Truth: Frequent nagging is a control problem. If you want to be mothered for the rest of your life, then go ahead and accept the challenge. If not, either make sure she deals with her control problem before marriage, or move on until you meet up with a more relaxed woman who doesn’t need to micro-manage your life.

LIE #9: Her past is her past—I don’t need to know.
Truth: Wrong! Her past becomes your past. You need to dig during the dating relationship to see if there are any big issues lurking in the deep waters beneath the surface. What was her relationship like with her dad? Has she ever been sexually molested or abused? How have men treated her in past relationships? How has she treated men in the past? All of this you need to know now, or you could be shocked and deeply affected later when huge roadblocks and past skeletons emerge in her sexual or emotional intimacy.

Article reposted from Crosswalk.com





********My Response********
this article is woman bashing. Everyone of these questions are contrary to what most men really wants.I've done my research and payed attention to men and what type of women they go after (in or out of church). Men(and I want to say most men; however, I haven't met one yet) are afraid of a conservative, hardworking christian woman. They want that person who is out there wilding out (first) and then they want to settle down. And men nowadas are looking for a financially stabled woman because they want the woman to man the household. In my oppinion.
If a woman can do them right in the bedroom (before marriage mind you) then that is the woman they stick with, she can be a nagging fool and treat him like dirt, but all that doesn't matter. I've seen it too many times.
The man is suppose to be the head; however, they have lost their will to hunt (because of their own hang-ups). Most women don't have the time to try to whoa them in. The right women, is more focused on their careers and trying to come to the realization that they may journey through this life alone. We just keeping hope alive.The excuse for not having the will to hunt is that men are now shy, well I'm a shy woman so now where do you stand. Women are responders not the initiator.
I was always told that you attract what you are, so men just know if you are giving to right type of attention to women, you will get theright response you need not want.